Poor Hef! The word on the streets of Holmby Hills is that Hugh Hefner,
contrary to what he said about being happy about being single again, is
honestly depressed about being dumped by his 25 year old fiancée Crystal
Harris 5 days before their wedding and is said to be wandering listlessly
about the Playboy manse in pajamas and robe. Wait, arent robes and PJs the
very same attire Hef wears when throwing his over the top pajama parties?
Hemm, the pain of being left almost at the altar is inevitable, but isnt
the suffering optional? Misery loves company, Hef, maybe you shouldnt get
dressed at all. Maybe you should just lay around your sumptuous bedroom, the
one recently featured in Architectural Digest, with a remote control in your
hand, watching Julia Roberts In Run Away Bride gallop over hill and dale to
escape her fiancé. You always did say you took all of your important
personal lessons from the movies. That you grew up to be a man under the
sole guidance of classic Hollywood films. Your current emotional fiasco is a
classic of life imitating art.
Let’s hit pause. Whether you are an aging Lothario or a young broke
whippersnapper hopelessly in love with some hot girl on Facebook that
actually acknowledged you once, being dumped is never fun. In an effort to
shake you out of a “situational depression” I have prepared a question for
you to ask yourself. Who knows, it may even ease the pain of your loss.
Do you really miss Crystal, or, maybe you only miss who you thought she was?
Who she thought she was, at least for you. Hello? Hugh, you are what, 85? At
25 Chrystal is somewhere between your two youngest children. I know, I know,
youre rich and shes beautiful and that”s the way the world spins but
still, there isnt enough oxytocin in the ocean to keep a woman like her
home in Holmby hills with a man too old to drive. Look at her, she is beyond
gorgeous and has the whole rest of her life ahead of her. You have what, one
fifteenth at best? Moreover, you dont become a girl like Crystal without
being a narcissist and narcissists are insatiable. Insatiable for
everything, attention, money, attention . . . did I say attention? Why else
would Crystal fire up the Bentley you bought her and scoot to a pool party
in Vegas, her ring finger still adorned with that $90.000 engagement ring
you bought her?
If the love you shared with Crystal was at all real, then the pain isnt
going to immediately go away. That, my man, is going to take time and
distance. And, as a man who has been married and divorced three times, you
well know that romantic connections diminish with time. You will heal, Hef,
probably on the heels of your next Playboy centerfold. Yes, breaking up
hurts, and its always paired with cycles of sadness, hurt, anger, betrayal,
rejection . . . just don’t try to run from your pain. Attempting to run
past your emotions like Crystal did the alter is ill advised. It will only
linger longer! Take some oxytocin. Even though it is the love and bonding
hormone it will also render you a more empathetic man, capable of realizing
that you are not the center of the universe, that Crystal was probably just
following her own fundamentally sound intuition and is saving you from even
more heartache down the road. Click here to buy oxytocin now.